


Mutual Administrative Assistance

by The_Trouble_Toad



Category: The Murderbot Diaries - Martha Wells
Genre: Just a lot of emotions, None of the cannon typical gore, also one of Mensah's small humans who thinks spaceships are really cool, mainly positive ones, though Murderbot would never admit that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:55:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29768250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Trouble_Toad/pseuds/The_Trouble_Toad
Summary: ART has convinced Murderbot to take a holiday, oh the horror. Lots of emotions in this one (mainly positive ones). Also includes Murderbot parkouring its way out of an awkward social situation. The dream.
Relationships: Asshole Research Transport & Murderbot (Murderbot Diaries), Dr. Mensah & Murderbot (Murderbot Diaries)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	Mutual Administrative Assistance

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty, this is my first attempt at fic. Do I know what I'm doing? Absolutely not. Did I feel ALL the emotions while writing this? You're goddamn right.

One of the best parts of the whole, "Rogue Sec Unit Experience" was using human furniture. Especially the big squishy kind of chair you could curl up in. I had a dark blue one in my cabin aboard ART and I was really missing it right now. The seats in Preservation Station's port B waiting area were made of artistically folded metal, they were uncomfortably cold and a bit spiky. I was pretty sure the humans and augmented humans that designed them had never actually _seen_ a chair, but decided to make one anyway.

From my stupid chair's position against the port wall I could keep track of all my humans with both my eyes and drones. Mensah was looking out the curved floor to ceiling window with one of her small humans, who was excitedly telling her about the different types of ships flying past. Overse and Arada were also sitting in the stupid spiky chairs, sharing a packet of flat crunchy things. The other three humans were browsing various small stalls dotted around the port. Amena was talking to Ratthi about her first term at ART's university as Pin-Lee looked over some legal documents in the feed, probably getting ready to discuss them with ART's crew once they arrived.

Just over a week ago I'd been onboard ART in my cabin, curled up in my amazing chair (yes I know I keep mentioning it. It's really comfortable alright.) When out of nowhere Iris had asked me over the public feed if I had any plans for my "week off". Week what? I was really confused, and when I didn't say anything ART poked me expectantly through the feed. <I have weeks off?> I sent it privately. It replied with < _did you even read your contract?_ emoticon 341 (eyeroll)> as it shoved a copy of the contract into my feed with the relevant section tagged. Oh ok, it turned out I had quite a few "weeks off" scheduled. Huh

Alright, in my defense: the contract was essentially a modified version of the one used for ART's human crew, so when I'd read it (yes I _had_ read it). I'd automatically skipped over some bits I thought must have been left in there by mistake, because they couldn't possibly apply to me. "Weeks off" had been one of those sections. Looking back, that didn't make sense seeing as both Pin-Lee and ART had helped write it, and they didn't make mistakes like that. But holidays were such an alien concept to me I'd just glossed over that section entirely. So no, I didn't have any plans for my week off. I told Iris as much and then disconnected from the public feed.

ART was not so easy to escape, and the emergency com on my cabin wall crackled into life. I expected ART to make another jab about me not reading the contract properly, but instead it said " _You could always spend your break on Preservation_ " Ok I hadn't been expecting that, I'd only been on 3 missions with it and I'd been sending periodic updates to my humans. It continued " _you have been away from your crew for an extended period of time. In my own experience that can lead to-"_ it paused a second "- _questionable decision making_ . _For example: allowing an unknown rogue and potentially dangerous Sec Unit onboard"_

Ok it had a point there. That had been a pretty (as ART put it) "questionable" bit of threat assessment on its part. Considering it had known what I was and the damage I could have done to its interior if I'd been the more murdery variety of murderbot. ART still wasn't finished " _Preservation’s local feed also hosts multiple unique media downloads"_ Now _that_ was tempting. I was probably going to spend a large chunk of this "week off" watching media anyway, doing that while on Preservation wasn't the most terrible idea ever. (Preservation Station. Not the planet, this was my first holiday and I wasn't spending it on a fucking planet)

So I'd booked a transport to Preservation Station. ART had taken ages deciding which arrival slot it wanted at the end of the week to pick me up and let our respective humans do some social human things, in addition to finalizing some legal documents. It was all going great and then ART decided to ruin everything by suggesting (get a load of this) that social interaction with humans was something I should include in my week off. (yes I told it to run a diagnostic after it came up with _that_ ). And ok, the humans in question were _my_ humans, (my crew as ART put it) but still. Unnecessary social interaction? ick

Why couldn’t it just let me spend my stupid week off watching media alone in a hotel? Why had it decided to make a schedule of entertainment events it thought me _and_ my humans would enjoy? Why had it booked me three front row seats so no humans would be sitting uncomfortably close as I watched, and recorded for it, the stupid Worldhoppers inspired musical it had marked as a "priority event" on its stupid stupid schedule?

ART was really living up to its name

  
  


Ok in hindsight, I might have _slightly_ overreacted (but not by _that_ much. It was still a huge asshole). I had to admit, the media events ART had picked out were actually pretty good (yes I went to all of them. What else was I going to do? Spend my stupid week off watching media alone in a hotel?) Quite a few of my humans had already been on Preservation and joined in for several of the events, always keeping a comfortable number of seats away. Even one of Mensah's small humans who came with her to the Worldhoppers musical kept a fairly good distance. (it turned out the small human was also a fan of media involving spaceships, I'd shared some of ART's other favourites with them)

Speaking of ART, where the hell was it?

I checked it's arrival slot in the feed, it was due to dock in 4 minutes, it should definitely be close enough to ping by now. I sent out pings and got nothing. I tried again, still nothing. Could something have happened to it? I should have read my contract properly the first time round, then I would have had time to do a proper threat assessment of the whole “holiday” situation and plan accordingly. I had no plan if ART didn't show up, I needed to have a plan. I realized I'd suddenly stood up, and that Overse and Arada had stopped talking and were looking at me with confused, worried expressions.

Ok murderbot, calm the fuck down. I made myself sit back down in the horrible chair and let my buffer send an all clear to Overse and Arada, they didn't look convinced. ART should definitely be near enough to ping and it wasn't responding but that didn't _necessarily_ mean something terrible had happened. Maybe it was just late. Oh who was I kidding, ART was never late to anything. It was now due to dock in 3 minutes, alright. Let's do this the smart way.

I'd promised Mensah I wouldn't hack into Preservation’s security systems. The location and tracking system the station used to keep tabs on approaching ships wasn't, technically speaking, a security system. I still felt a horrible pang of guilt as I made contact with locator sys. _Yes I was a sec sys subroutine. Yes this was a regular security check. Yes I needed access to its live drive signature scan-_

Wait. That was a shouting human. One of my humans. I paused my contact with locator sys and stood up fast (on purpose this time) as I ran back my recording. It was Mensah's small human pointing out the window and yelling to Amena in excitement, not fear. I was about to start a purge of the adrenaline in my organic parts and continue the hack on locator sys when _what_ the small human had been shouting about actually registered. Apparently they could see a new ship on approach, a large transport of a model they didn't recognize. I strode over to the huge window along with Amena, the rest of my humans in tow.

The small human was telling Amena that the transport was in front of Preservation's primary. The humans squinted and I turned down my brightness. Yeah, there was a vaguely transport shaped blob right in front of the stars center. I zoomed my vision in, that was definitely a ship and I was 78% certain I knew _which_ ship. It was approaching fast and I zoomed out to keep focus, now the ship was closer I could see the familiar silhouette. Yep, I knew which asshole research transport that was. I dropped my hack on locator sys and finished the adrenaline purge.

When ART had insisted on docking port B14 and this specific time slot, I'd thought it was just being it's usual pedantic self. Turns out it had been planning to make an overly dramatic entrance. Why was I even surprised? Perfectly silhouetted against Preservation's orange primary, ART looked like something from a high production value serial. Specifically the ones with lots of dramatic shots involving space. The ones ART liked. So far it's approach to Preservation Station had been fairly standard (minus the dramatic lighting). But now it was just showing off: ART rolled leisurely around its central axis a full 360° without deviating from it's path of approach. Mensah's small human had their face and hands pressed up against the slightly dusty glass (ew) and was making an impressed "oooo" sound. And ok fine, I'll admit it was a little impressive. 

Also, for some reason that move looked really familiar. While I ran a comparison against my archives the small human was asking Amena excitedly if this was the ship we were waiting for. Amena grinned and told them "yep that's definitely the Perihelion". My archive search hit a 93% match and yeah, that move was from the end credits of Worldhoppers. That reminded me, ART was going to love the Worldhoppers inspired musical it had asked me to record. The performance had been almost as dramatic and satisfyingly unrealistic as the serial.

In the window's reflection I noticed Mensah looking at me, her face was doing something really complicated that I’d never seen before. As I tilted a drone to get a better angle she noticed the movement and hurriedly looked away, her face now an even more confusing mesh of emotions I couldn’t interpret. Then she messaged me privately <I’m sorry Sec Unit I know you don’t like staring but I, well, I’ve never seen you smile before>

Oh

I could feel my face doing something horribly complicated and I could _see_ it reflected in the window after I dropped the drone cam connection in horror. Naturally ART chose that moment to ping me and establish a secure connection. This would have been perfect comedic timing if it had happened in a show and not, you know, my life. < _Docking procedure complete, please prepare to board_ > it sounded very pleased with itself. Despite my frantic efforts my emotions must be leaking into the feed because ART started playing the Sanctuary Moon theme almost immediately. It did actually help, and I had my face back under control by the time we reached ART's primary airlock. (Well, as under control as my face normally was. Which wasn't nearly as much as I'd like, stupid biological components).

On the other side of the closed hatch I could hear Seth saying "Peri I know you're excited but an aileron roll really isn't a docking manoeuvre" I was close enough to access ART's cameras now, and I could see Seth was smiling. The lock cycled open and I immediately realized my mistake: by staying in front of the preservation humans I'd gotten myself trapped between them and ART's crew on the other side of the now open hatch.

Great planning Murderbot. I really should have seen this coming but keeping my clients behind me was second nature. Maybe even first nature? Was that a thing? I could look it up later, I had bigger problems to deal with right now. Although the humans and augmented humans were individually trying to avoid touching me, the hallway was just too narrow and they all kept bumping into me, apologizing profusely and then bumping into me again. I could stay frozen in place and wait until they managed to move away down the corridor, but I estimated that would take 26 seconds minimum. That was 26 seconds too long.

The perks of being a sec unit are few and very far between but the legs were definitely one of them. We're cheaply made, no question about it, but sec units that couldn't run or jump any better than a human probably didn't sell well. So my legs were actually pretty great all things considered. They meant I could do things like jump twice my height and move fast enough to run up walls, which were great abilities to have when you wanted to escape a crowd of noisy humans that kept accidentally colliding with you.

I tensed, then sprung upwards at an angle towards the corridor wall, careful to avoid Ratthi's head as I leapt over him. My boots hit the bulkhead with a thump and ART was suddenly in my feed 

< _I'd like to point out that my drones recently finished cleaning that bulkhead. And if I wanted it decorated I would pick something much more tasteful than your boot prints 2.3 meters up the wall > _

The sudden distraction of ART's attention in the feed had nearly messed up my next jump, but I still managed to spring off the wall and land in the middle of the corridor two meters ahead of the humans. They'd stopped talking and were all trying to avoid looking at me directly. They weren't very good at it.

<Shut up ART> I told it over our private feed connection as I fled walked away very calmly, and definitely not as fast as I could move without running. <I recorded that Worldhoppers musical you wanted and it's actually pretty good>

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have used _that_ to distract it from the boot prints on its wall because I was immediately swamped by a barrage of pings requesting data transfer. 

"Give me a fucking second ART" I said out loud, since it had flooded our feed connection with the pings. It stopped requesting data for precisely one second, then the pings resumed full force. For fucks sake. I glared into the smug little cameras of ART’s cleaning drones as they bobbed past me, probably on the way to deal with my boot prints. "I don't know WHY I missed you asshole" yeah, I have no idea where _that_ came from. I really needed to set up that one second delay on my damned mouth.

ART had abruptly stopped hurling pings at me. Not sure what else to do, I dumped the musical into our now silent feed. The corridor lights flickered. ART was silent for a further 3.4 seconds before it said < _l am glad to have my full crew back on board_ > What? It's full crew had already been- 

Oh right, it was talking about me. I was having an emotion but it wasn't a… completely terrible one. It was still big and complicated though, and I'd had enough of big complicated emotions for one cycle. Several cycles actually. I reached my cabin and let myself fall backwards into the huge squishy chair. It spun around twice with the force of the impact and ART said < _That was unnecessarily dramatic_ > I made an offensive gesture at it's not-so-secret camera as I shoved my footage of _its_ extremely unnecessary, dramatic and not at all impressive "aileron roll" (as Seth had called it) into our feed.

Then I initiated a shutdown and recharge cycle. I hadn't actually done one since coming to preservation, no I don't know why.

Ok fine. I did sort of know why: I'd gotten used to having my recharge cycles onboard ART. For some reason shutting down here in my cabin wasn't accompanied by the feeling of vulnerability that was the norm everywhere else. I don't know, it just felt... kind of like a cubicle but also not like that at all. Safe. It felt safe.

_Shutdown_

_Recharge cycle initiating_


End file.
